Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Bootylicious

i had a butt lift... :)
but no one added any silicone to my derriere. :) ... here's the report i sent to my coach about the good news this week's observations brought me. i had a slump in february, travelled a lot, and then solo-parented for ten days without a kitchen (renos). so...now i'm back in the saddle...

but before we get to the report and the pix...
it's not all rainbows and unicorns for me...you know i think too much...here's what's been in my head.

i'm 45. weight lifting now. am i cliche? i hope not. most of my body looks better than it did when i was 25. but that spectre of aging is always with me.i have friends that are easily 10 years younger or more than i am and the age difference may not cross their minds but it is with me sometimes as i wonder how ridiculous i might seem to them. i wait for them to scoff at me as the young do to the old and frail; for them to gloat with their vitality and resilience.

i told my shrink that if i didn't find a way to deal with the ugliness of getting older, i wasn't going to be around in 10 years. there's no point in hiding that i'm vain, and i'm scared as fuck of becoming faceless, nameless and just an old lady that is invisible.

i've had it good. i've often fed off of the attention that vanity needs for sustenance to boost a flagging self-esteem and a voice that often used to say i'll never be good enough. fuck that voice though and fuck what anyone thinks about me. i'm stronger than anyone who mocks me with their self-centred arrogance. i've survived through a fuck tonne of awful stuff and i will never give in to being some kind of victim-even to aging.

this new found delight when i see how my body is getting stronger in places and ways it's never been before - that's motivating. i'm sure i'll get the crepy skin, the age spots, and the dangling tits that all women have as they age. (i hear labia dangle too. hey do you think women of a certain age and means get labia lifts along with a batch for their snatch?(hairdye folks))

but that's not the point for me - the feeling of strength - of lifting heavier and heavier weights with more fluid motion, it has been very insightful for me. it's given me a different way to fight my fears and to feel like i can be whole. that physical strength gives me inner strength and confidence i've rarely felt. it's so odd. just as i see flab give way to muscle, i'm seeing that despair i've had so often, lift. confidence is with me again and i wonder if i should even say that knowing how hard it has been to escape the darkness...but... fuck it. i'm taking the moment for what it is. life is for living and i'm not into regrets. not now. not ever...and yet, there are only three ppl i'd ever show these weekly pix to.still not there...but on the path...doesn't mean i'll be taking up twerking tho...in case you wondered.

ok, enough...pass the chicken please. i still haven't had enough protein and it's almost 10:30 pm. :)

Report to my coach...
Hi
Are you still down under? Are you competing? Thanks for the FB link. I'll get on there this week. We still have 2 feet of snow and even though it got up to 50F today, there's a snow storm on the way. Never move here Paul. I think you knew that already though. 

First the good news. As much as I hate having those pix taken, when i compare the side view of Dec 10 to March 10...i can see i have a butt and it got higher so my legs look longer...that's so crazy (in a good way) and I was completely surprised to see it. Now...more good news. I wore a fitted suit jacket yesterday. I've had it for 10 yrs and it fits my shoulders and chest and back but the middle was ridiculously loose. I could grab at least three inches of it...it didn't look goofy but i was really surprised. also, i have a waist now. it goes in. like other people. it doesn't just go straight from my ribs to my hips. it dips in. i don't think i've ever had a skinnier waist... as well, my booty shorts which fit me at 105-my race weight -they now are looser than before...but i'm heavier than i've ever been and that freaks me out. So does the fat on my back under my shoulder blades...at least, unlike winter around here, there are some changes that make me optimistic. 

i see the changes when i'm lifting because certain muscles are starting to show up. I also see the weights getting a little heavier each week. On my detailed report you can see how much more weight I can lift now than I did at the start. I feel strong. 

Diet - well - i do have my kitchen now. haven't moved everything back into it but it is it ever nice to cook again. So...I'm a bit off esp w 2 extra grams a fat a day this past week. The carbs are low but the days were wonky from day to day. This week I'm aiming for that level consistency again. I've changed the workout week so Day 1 is Monday so I can take Sunday off because I have trouble getting out of bed on Sunday mornings. lazy ass



Booty call
finally-- the pix...can you see my butt lift? it's awesome. i might start twerking any minute now...
nov 9                                               dec 10               mar 10

16 comments:

  1. Um, you rock. YES getting stronger makes you stronger inside. Damn straight. Keep going, I like your booty lift!

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    1. Thanks Suzanne. I think one of the best things in the world is the encouragement and kindness of other women. You are quite inspiring in your commitment to fitness. :)

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  2. Are the pink words supposed to make a poem? Heart this!

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    1. heya...well, the pink words..they're just a thing. sometimes, there's a reason and sometimes not. keeps you guessing, huh? :) thank you for your comment! :)

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  3. Wow!! Great progress! You've come along way milfy. And if lifting keeps lifting your spirit as well, even better.

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    1. thanks justin. :) well...yes! thanks for your support, J. good to know i'm on the way to being extra milfy (an older blog post about why i started lifting)

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  4. Look at you girl.You tell me you just dont see it. Look carefully at the start and last pic. Others can see it easier as you look at your body every day. I tjink you may just have a twerking career

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    1. Hi Ken, Thanks for your comments. Well, I can see the differences if I see the pics at the start and now but...everyday, I don't see it. i see and feel the flab. it's the wrong emphasis. so when i go and lift, i am forced to feel my strength and see how i have stronger, more defined muscles. what i feel and what i see some days in the mirror is far from what these pics show. i'll get there! your support has been fundamental. thank you again.

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  5. You're looking great so keep up the good work. Unfortunately diet I think plays an even bigger role than any of us would like to admit. This aging thing is for the birds but the alternative isn't so great. I am nearing 70 years old and it is harder to lose weight, build muscle and the cardio keeps fading. Some young people glance at me with disdain that I'm even on this planet but there are enough respectful young men and women who encourage me and smile at me to keep me going. Don't dwell on the negative, keep moving. I once asked my mother who at the time was in her 80s "how in the hell do you stand being old"? Her reply was that she tries not to think about it. Welp, I suppose that helps but I think staying active helps too. Always know you have friends who look deeper than the physical to find value in you. Namaste. (Sam Nelson, @yogiruns)

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    1. hi sam, thanks for your thoughtful and articulate comment. i think diet is a huge factor as well. it's why when i first spoke with my coach a key requirement is that i create a long-term sustainable approach to nutrition and strength training..I'm not interested in a diet - i need a lifestyle that will give me the best advantage i can have. I'm on my way but I stumble a lot and good people around me help me brush myself off and keep focussed on the big picture and the stuff that really matters.

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    1. Thanks special K. you've been so supportive for so many years. the ups and downs have been challengin but you have been unwaveringly encouraging. I truly appreciate that. :)

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  7. Looking good! Keep up the good work!

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  8. You are doing great, that progress is awesome and all due to hard work. I love how open and honest you are, it's nice to read someones real thoughts instead of sugar coated BS. Keep it up, you rock.

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    1. thanks Laura! definitely a lot of hard work but it is worth it. thanks for reading and thanks for your support. it does mean a lot. :)

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  9. Awesome sauce!!! Continue the Grind

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