Tuesday, December 10, 2013

back to front...lessons & pix from week 3 weight training

I run…therefore I am… well… not quite.

first, i fell in love 
I started to run because it was a challenge, it was hard and there was no way to short-change it and cut corners. Running burns calories so efficiently and is a great way to stay skinny…for those that do it right. then, I fell in love with it.

Initially, I had loved running for the freedom it gave me and the way I could feel a part of the natural landscape and experience the seasons and all the changes around me. I felt alive with the rush of blood and the feeling of snowflakes melting on my face or when I ran in the blush of the dawn as it blooms across the sky…those moments are captivating and make my soul feel so light and free.

But…over time, I twisted the reason for running and made it feel like it was something I had to do – something I was compelled to do because I’d gain weight otherwise. At the same time, I routinely skipped meals to stay skinny. No one likes running with no fuel in the tank. I did that all the time and made myself miserable.

I’d said maybe I was done with running but now, I know I never want to give it up. I just want the best part of it – the part I fell in love with and is still, thankfully so easy for me to find again. my first run in 33 days yesterday reminded me of that.

week 3 - little signs
This week I completed my third week on my weights and nutrition program, I couldn’t be more surprised that while eating, I’ve actually lost a pound a week. I haven’t done very much cardio either – 4x a week with moderate effort 2x and HIIT 2x. that’s it. 2 hours in total of cardio per week plus 5 days of lifting for about 30 minutes each day plus a lot of food.

put away the number
I had the big weight discussion with my coach yesterday. I have a number stuck in my head- it’s what I think I should weigh…but when I’ve weighed that, I’ve been skinny and look good but I’m not deep down strong and healthy. So, with my coach, I decided I’d rather weigh more but look leaner, stronger and sleeker (and maybe sexier?). it’s time to put the number away and think about my sustained well-being. i've had it a little backwards for a long time. 

strong with life
As I turned 45 this week, my goal is to have a long-term approach to being fit and healthy. In this case, my vanity isn’t a bad thing – it’s motivating me to find a way to look the best I can. I can’t keep running with the weaknesses I know I feel. I can’t keep starving myself and feeling miserable. It’s time to retrain my metabolism and most of all, my mindset. It’s also motivating to start to see the wee hint of some results from my efforts.

November 9 and Dec 2


  1. Looking good! My advice would be to put the scale away and honestly don't even look in the mirror. There's a couple problems with the mirror. We all fluctuate. It happens. Don't sweat it. 2) Our minds see what we want to see. You and I are similar in some ways, I have a very specific idea in my mind about my ideal body form. Unfortunately, our brains aren't good at picking up progression. For me, it was disappointing at first to look in the mirror because I wasn't "there" yet. The scale wasn't helping, I'd gained weight. It took a friend of mine who is always very brutally honest to exclaim how cut I was looking. He said I almost looked like a different person. But since I'd only seen slight variations in the mirror, I had no idea.

    Don't weigh. don't look in the mirror. focus on fitness, function, feeling. When you lift, how are you progressing? When you do your HIIT, can you do more reps per minute? Are you not having to modify some movements? Can you finally do things like pull-ups? Those are the things I use for tracking progression now. Use your trainer's knowledge as the North Star to guide your trip. The mirror and scale might seem like a GPS, but sometimes those infernal devices end up running you into a train. :)

  2. thanks for your comment FP...yeah, you're right. sometimes we don't see ourselves correctly. i almost never do...and at the two week mark, i was so bitterly disappointed...as i was when i began this. the pics are for my coach though. he needs to see them so he can point out what i'm not capable of seeing. he also needs to know my weight every week. he uses it to gauge my diet which he sets up to know how much to add or take off from each of the macros.

    i hadn't expected to see anything last week. i looked at my pix about 10x before i actually saw the difference in the abs. i don't see it anywhere else...but it was encouraging! :)

    so, as with any measurement, they're only nasty if you interpret them as such. too bad we can't measure our degree of perception vs reality quotient so we can filter our vision out of the equation and see ourselves subjectively...that too comes with time i think. acceptance. i have a way to go. ... but i'm taking steps and looks like you're miles ahead of me on that one...but it's not a race either...we'll both get there. :) thanks again for your friendship and support. it matters.

  3. Awesome results already! And yes, weight is just a number. Strong and sleek is sexy, so keep it up and forget about the numbers! (=

  4. It is such a pleasure in reading this struggle that you have been struggling with, being honest with yourself and putting it out there really makes it real for you and your friends. As I read over this post I see a lot of my own personal struggles, not knowing where to start to fix them. I struggle with the love/hate relationship with running. I struggle trying to find/make the time to cross train to make me stronger as I runner. That body image that we have of ourselves is extremely overwhelming. Thank you so much for sharing, I always love reading your post as they have an edge to them. You say it as it is and you don't add the fluff. Thanks for being you! And PS.. You look amazing before and you continue to look amazing as you get leaner and stronger.

    1. hi Jacki, thanks for your note and as always for your support. in doing this strength training, i'm changing how i look at myself and also where i look for affirmation...i look to myself and that's the only approval that matters ...once i decide to give it...it's feels very good to focus on my well being. i've missed it. :) take care and happy training and balancing all that you do everyday for all those in your life and yourself as well. xo xo

  5. So glad to hear you ran and found the joy. You really do look amazing, too.

    1. thanks sweet stuff. i know you're biased though...bc like all of my friends you only see the amazing and always have. hugs, K. :) xo