i'm bringing my sexy back

where the fuck did my sexy go?

i'm drugged up-kinda sorta...life is better - i don't cry in the middle of dinner for no reason at all (damn ovaries needed to be turned off!). oh yeah- i switched pills & i'm not even bleeding out everyday. i barely miss it...really - did i tell you about the world's biggest maxi pad that i had to use at the end there last month- it was ginormous - serious diaper rash...fuck..yeah- things have gotten better. 


i can feel more energy as the B12 shots kick in.i wake up and run many days...and then again, some days i don't...wow...didn't i once say running is better than viagra...damn...who am i?


i just don't feel saucy, sassy or sexy- i'm not me. i try.every once in awhile, i'll catch a buzz and be who i used to be. i miss me. i'm working on getting me back. it's going to take time.

you can run (no, you can't run)
You can hide, (no, you can't hide),You can run, (no, you can't run),You can hide...away.
it's my first instinct. to simply shut out the world and anyone close to me.stay safe.anyway, i'm not worth the effort of friendship...or so i was told for so many years i forgot who was doing the telling and i started to tell it to myself...you'd think i'd want to run, just to feel whole, and get that joy back. but instead, some days i don't even want to get out of bed. 


i walk a lonely road
the only one i've only known, don't know where it goes, but it's only me, i walk alone. this has to stop.i have to stop withdrawing, shutting out ppl who'd help me, be close to me.it's time to get back on a path. i have waffled over whether to run the chicago marathon so much (oh no, not the blue waffle - do not google it-hehehe-see, i can still laugh-it's gonna be ok,i haven't completely lost my silly humour). 


do it do it or die
must be something in my head...
yep. so, i'm going to run this marathon. my time will reflect my spotty training (no pun intended..well ok maybe)...it's going to be a record of a different kind of achievement. one that is maybe about taking the first few steps to getting my sexy back...i still don't know...i just want to hope. 


so...promise to sing with me when we're done the race?...i need to feel alive again. running helps. so do you.
Go ahead, be gone with it
Come to the back
Go ahead, be gone with it
VIP
Go ahead, be gone with it
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone with it
Get your sexy on


...but first, let's just get to the start line. 




TO DONATE TO MY CHARITY FOR WOMEN's HEALTH RESEARCH - PLS CLICK HERE -- http://foundation.nmh.org/site/TR?px=1076234&fr_id=1070&pg=personal